The Two Best Friends
On a beautiful Sunday morning, their owner was out running errands. He forgot to give them both a treat before he left. The dogs sat in the laundry room, where the treats were located. They pondered on how they were going to get them from the shelf.
“I have a great idea,” said Lucy, “however; I am going to need your help.”
“Okay I will do anything that you need!” said Shadow.
“Okay, so I need you to jump onto the stool next to the washer, then walk over to the table, and then take a leap over to the shelf that the treats are on, and push the bag of treats down onto the ground,” said Lucy with a smirk on her face.
With her eyes lit up, Shadow agreed.
Then Shadow with all the courage she had, took the first jump onto the stool. The stool shook a little bit, but Shadow made it safe and sound. Once the stool was sturdy, she then jumped to the washer. Shadow felt like the queen of the laundry room. She then pranced on over to the table that was closer to the treats.
Shadow then asked Lucy, “Okay, now what is next, I cannot remember.”
Lucy was so excited that Shadow actually got onto the table and shouted, “Now jump to the shelves!”
As Shadow was jumping the shelves, they both heard the garage door open.
Lucy shouted, “HURRY, knock the treats down to the floor!”
Shadow then pushed the treats down to the ground as fast as she could, and then jumped all the way back down to the table then to the stool and then to the floor. As soon as Shadow reached the floor their owner had walked into the laundry room. The owner however, saw Shadow jump down. Shadow was in a lot of trouble and got yelled at. Just as Shadow looked behind her, Lucy had taken off with the treats and hid them before their owner could see them. Lucy was so happy because Shadow fell for her plan. However, Shadow was disappointed because she did all of that work and did not get a treat in the end. The two best friends were now, not talking to each other. This only lasted about a week though.
“The flatterer seeks some benefit at your expense” The Monkey and the Cat
Author's Note:
The Monkey and the cat, are both pets who were friends that
lived in the same house. They were always getting into trouble together and
they both loved getting something to eat. They saw some chestnuts roasting near
the fire. First thing that they wanted to do was eat them, but they were unsure
how to get them. The monkey came up with the idea of the cat using her paws to
get them. The monkey said that he would divide up the nuts between them after
she got them out of the fire. However, the monkey would eat the nuts up as soon
as she pushed them clear of the fire. Then once the cat burned her paws, their
master came in. As soon as their master came in, they both ran off and the cat
had little to do with the monkey from then on.
I decided to change
up the characters in the story to two dogs. I thought it would be fun to use
two dogs, because we all know that dogs get into trouble together. I did
however, try to use somewhat of the same story line of the original story of
The Monkey and the cat. I just changed up how they got the food (treats), how
the owner came home, and how the story ending. Both stories share the same
theme of "The flatterer seeks some benefit at your expense."
Bibliography:
These stories are part of the Aesop (Winter) unit. Story source:The Aesop for Children, with illustrations by Milo Winter (1919).
Hi Mary! How are you? I saw you commented on one of my past stories, and yes you are correct, we were in the same freshman English class! It is good to meet with you again, but over the Internet this time haha. I have found comments more helpful when I separated them out so the comments will be divided up into paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteFormat: Due to the dialogue in the story, the use of spacing is excellent. It is way more important for the reader to be able to easily flow through your story without having to decide what line or sentence comes next because the story is smashed together. Placing the image at the top was another great touch because I was able to gather a mental image of the characters before I even started reading.
Function: The last link went through to the correct website, but the picture of the two puppies only went through to the image, instead of the website where it came from! I have had this problem too where you can’t locate the original source or the author. For the future, maybe just try to find a new picture to replace it!
Hey Mary! This was a great story! I love dogs...so that made it even better! I like the humor you added to the dogs and the personalities you gave each of them. Breaking up the story like you did, made it an easy read too! My favorite part is the end where they didn't talk to each other for a week. Thanks for the good read!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to read a story that has been given more narrative layers on top of the original story! It always adds more to the world of the plot and makes it more real, more organic, and more fun.
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-Fonts: I would try playing with the different types of fonts, if only for the presentation of your story. Your stories in general seem to be more on the "light" side of issues, being more blissful overall. If your font could express that, all the better!
Color- I would maybe change your background color to something a little more cohesive with the website backdrop. Maybe a darker blue or a darker green? Just my thoughts!
Function
-Links: the "Story source" link does not take me directly back to the story, even though it takes me back to the unit. It would be helpful to go directly to the original work to more easily make comparisons.
What a cute take on the story! I love anything that has to do with dogs, so I'm really glad you changed the story to include them instead of the original characters. You also did a wonderful job with developing the characters. Their personalities were so precious! Thank you for helping me visualize everything so clearly with your writing. Great job!
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