I am reading your Storybook for my free choice this week because I was drawn in by your title. It also makes me think of Finding Nemo. So, I wanted to know what your storybook is all about. Welcome Page: What kind of turtle is this a picture of? Where is the turtle from? I do really like your bright storybook book background. It really draws the attention of the reader and puts them in a better mood. I love your font style for this page. I think it fits very well. Introduction: O no! Their water is drying up? I don’t want that. This makes me wonder if there is going to be an environmental message in your storybook. After reading your introduction I understand the title of your storybook. I would like a little more insight into what I will be reading in the rest of your storybook. What kind of adventures will Turtle and his friends have? Who are Turtle’s friends? You alluded to a little bit of the troubles they could have, but a little more detail would be helpful. Overall I think you have a good start on your storybook.
Hey Mary! First off the bat, I love the font and bright pink layout of your site! I't so fun and pink! The turtle is adorable, so that a good start too!
Introduction: I freaking love animals that are giving voices! It's so much more fun to have them speak than people! I have a few questions: Are the turtles hiring a realtor for their new lake? If not, I know a guy I can get you in contact with. Where would they like to live? I love this part of the into! It's also really great that you set up the intro at the start of the action. That helps the reader become more involved in the story. I wanna know where this turtle end up in life! Maybe add a different picture to the introduction part, instead of the same one on the home page.
Mary, Your storybook has a great start to it. I really enjoyed the theme that you selected with the turtles. Turtles are one of my favorite animals for some reason, so you already have me hooked. Your introduction had me very excited to start learning how the turtle might find a new home. I think it is really cool that the turtle is the one that is actually telling the story. I got a chance to read the first chapter of the adventure and thought it was great. I also like that you completely changed it from the original story. I think this project is meant for you to show what kind of creativity you have, and you done a great job at showing that. I am really excited to look at the next chapters in this turtle’s life. Keep up all of the good work.
Hey Mary! I am writing on your comment wall for the extra credit blog comments. When I first saw your comment about our freshman English class, I was ecstatic to know someone else in the class. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your helpful comments on my stories. They have been constructive and encouraging, so thank you for that! I hope all is well and your semester is going smoothly.
Hi Mary! I'm writing on your comment wall for one of my extra credit assignments. I want to say that I love your first name! My 6 year old daughter's name is Mary and she was my inspiration for writing my week 1 storytelling post. I also really like the background you chose for your comment wall. It's very bright and fun and that makes me feel happy. It also reminds me of some of the artwork that my 4 year old has painted in her art class at school. She is always so proud to show off her artwork to everyone. By the way, thank you for any comments you have left on my blogs and/or comment wall. All comments have been helpful to me to create better writing as I go through this class. Have a great night and good luck with the rest of our last semester!
Hi Mary. I like how your storyboard is about turtles. My best friend is obsessed with them and tortoises so obviously, I came to like them haha. Your storyboard is very creative. I like how they story is in the turtle's point of view. But honestly, I was kind of confused during "The Flash Fiction Friday." I really like your introduction though!! I absolutely love stories about animals and I love it even more when the animals are personified!! I love how the turtle is on an adventure to find a new home. I really enjoyed reading your storybook. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Your Turtle character seems so cute! The overall design of the site is fun, uncluttered, and definitely catches the visitor's eye. The introduction was great at endearing the main character to the reader quickly. Turtle seems so sweet and lovable! The idea of using a general turtle character is great because there are SO MANY stories from mythology and folklore to pull inspiration from. The only thing I would say needs improvement in the intro are the parts where it can be a little repetitive (you mention going on adventure several times, maybe just change up the wording a bit). Your first story also had a bit of repetitive language, specifically the phrase "we were all." This story also switched tenses a few time between present (we are all very nervous) and past tense (we were all walking in a straight line). Since most of the story is written in past tense, I would suggest just changing the first few parts into past tense. I hope my suggestions are helpful!
Mary. I enjoyed the introduction of your storybook. The main character as a great personality and you expressed that extremely well in your writing. The set up to the following stories was great as they are forced to move not because they necessarily want to. Your first story within your storybook as great. I enjoyed how they ran into problems the first moments of their adventure. Using fire ants was an awesome touch to the story as they are a true pain when becoming in contact with them. I liked that you ended your story at them getting to the "top of the hill." This was expressed with great triumph, which brings good humor to the story. Good job with your story and I look forward to reading more.
Mary, I really enjoyed that you chose a turtle for the star of your storybook. I love turtles, so I was excited to read your story. I read the introduction and thought this was a nice setup to the overall storybook. I think you introduced the turtle well, as well as the sad predicament he was in--having to move from one lake to another. I think you developed the character of the turtle well in the introduction and moving into the first story. I also thought you did a great job with transitioning into the first story and introducing the other characters that were going on this adventure with the turtle. I think you gave them different personalities and characteristics, which makes the story enjoyable. I thought this storybook has a lot of great ideas and great executions.
I do think there is some repetition in the story that you could cut out--the repeating of they are on an adventure and the hardships. I think this will improve the overall flow of your story. I also think there may be some sentence fragments in your stories, so you may just want to read over those and proofread. But overall, I thought this was great! Looking forward to reading more!
Well, I just read the introduction, and I am surprisingly interested to see where this goes. I have never been a major turtle fan, but then again, I have nothing against them. I get a very child-like vibe from reading this story. It is as if I'm watching Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh or something of that nature where there are heroes, villains, and the heroes always win in the end because of happiness or rainbows or something like that. I just want to point out, I'm a big Pokemon fan. First story, at the very top, it's a Franklin picture. Yes! Your first story is good. I think at some points it seems a little robotic (e.g. Mr. Frog then stated […] Then I responded with). You could just change it around a little bit and say Mr. Frog eagerly exclaimed […] I, being the voice of reason, countered. Something like that, but you get the idea. Really, overall it's a cool storybook with a great Franklin picture!
Hey Mary! So this was the first time I’ve visited your storybook, and may I just say I am glad I got to read it! When I first opened the link to the storybook I was kind of shocked by the bright pink background, but I immediately adored the turtle that you placed front and center on the title and intro pages.
Your introduction was definitely engaging, introducing your readership to an adorable, typical, and adventurous little turtle. At times you got to be a little repetitive, but overall the intro was perfect for providing a background and rationale for the adventures your characters are about to set off on. Plus, it feels a little Hobbit-esque, with the whole “I’m going on an adventure!” theme, which just adds to my curiosity, haha.
But then getting into your first story, it seems like there isn’t really much of anything going on. Your tales seem kind of slow to develop, with things being repeated from the previous tale and little action occurring. It’s still an enjoyable story, as we are able to see the beginning of the “adventure,” but there seem to be some elements (like the recommendation to play a game) that are just thrown in to increase word length, where there could otherwise be more detail added in about the obstacles.
Those are just some of my suggestions; like I said, overall it is a very enjoyable story, if somewhat simple. Great work, and I cannot wait to read more!
Hello Mary! I visited your storybook very early on, so I'm excited to see your updates! I'm still in love with the neon pink and your font choice. They are so fun, and make reading WAY more exciting. I went ahead and read you latest addition, Over The Hill. I really liked that you built a relationship between the Geese and Turtle! I especially loved the extra addition of Miss Beaver and Blue Jay, and Mr. Frog. I wrote a story with a similar set of characters, and I also added more characters. It is just more fun that way.
I also really liked that you made the ending of the story a happy one. I really like that you ended it on a happy ending. I think that makes it so much more fun to read. Also, the dialogue you had made a big difference to the story. I liked how even though it wasn't explicitly made to be contemporary, it was so easy to read. Great Job!
Mary, I read the latest addition to your storybook, "Over the Hill." I liked that you focused around the theme of teamwork and friendship. It is an interesting and diverse group of animals so it was cool seeing them work in a team. I thought it was great that you used so much dialogue. This made the story much more entertaining and easier to read. I also liked your explanation of how you were inspired by the story of the geese and the turtle.
My only suggestion for this story would be to add some more detail of the setting at the top of the hill. This would bring more imagery and could make the top of the hill seem so gigantic to the characters. Other than that your story was great! Good job with the addition of this story.
This is the first time that I am reading your storybook, so I read the introduction and the first story, The First Chapter of our Adventure. I think that your layout was nice. I like the bright pink design. I also liked the picture of the turtle that was used for the introduction and the first story. That let me know immediately that a turtle was an important part of the story. Your introduction was very informative. You did a good job on letting us know what the storybook was about. I also read your first story. I like the picture that you used. My son loves that show, so I recognized the characters immediately. I think that your story was well written. I have never read the original story but it seems like you did a good job of taking out specific elements and making them fit into your storybook idea. Overall, I like what I have read in your storybook so far.
I really enjoyed the layout of your blog! What I particularly liked was the variety in fonts and colors used throughout your posts. Sometimes I think that can be a bit overwhelming but your use was very subtle and I thought you did a really great job with that. I also like how simple your navigation is as well as each individual post. One thing I might consider doing is instead of writing picture information underneath the picture, give us a little description of what we are seeing. So for instance, in your story, The First chapter of Our Adventure, tell us what movie or show that image is from right off the bat instead of us having to click on it to find out. Just a thought. Anyways, great job on your posts and on your blog overall. I think your stories are really fun and flow well together.
I chose your storybook as one of my extra credit free choices for this week. I'm glad I did! Your storybook was a very interesting read. I like how you made the adventures of this turtle (with he friends) so interesting as they were traveling to a new home. The pictures you chose were good choices and fir well with each part of the storybook. Although, I would have put some sort of a description under each photo instead of just picture Information. I think that would have added some more flair to the pictures. Your paragraph sizes were very easy to read and I really liked all the dialogue between your characters. I also liked how the turtle learned new things about his friend, the frog too. I thought that was a cute addition. One other thing that I did want to point out was that the bright, hot pink color of your background was a little distracting and it did make the words at the bottom of your page somewhat hard to read. Maybe if you changed the color of the words to a darker color or made the background color a little less intense...maybe that might help. Overall, I really did like your storybook and I thought it was very well written. I'm not that great at writing narratives and I thought that was one of the best parts of your stories. Good job!
I am reading your Storybook for my free choice this week because I was drawn in by your title. It also makes me think of Finding Nemo. So, I wanted to know what your storybook is all about.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Page: What kind of turtle is this a picture of? Where is the turtle from?
I do really like your bright storybook book background. It really draws the attention of the reader and puts them in a better mood. I love your font style for this page. I think it fits very well.
Introduction: O no! Their water is drying up? I don’t want that. This makes me wonder if there is going to be an environmental message in your storybook.
After reading your introduction I understand the title of your storybook. I would like a little more insight into what I will be reading in the rest of your storybook. What kind of adventures will Turtle and his friends have? Who are Turtle’s friends? You alluded to a little bit of the troubles they could have, but a little more detail would be helpful.
Overall I think you have a good start on your storybook.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey Mary! First off the bat, I love the font and bright pink layout of your site! I't so fun and pink! The turtle is adorable, so that a good start too!
ReplyDeleteIntroduction: I freaking love animals that are giving voices! It's so much more fun to have them speak than people! I have a few questions: Are the turtles hiring a realtor for their new lake? If not, I know a guy I can get you in contact with. Where would they like to live? I love this part of the into! It's also really great that you set up the intro at the start of the action. That helps the reader become more involved in the story. I wanna know where this turtle end up in life! Maybe add a different picture to the introduction part, instead of the same one on the home page.
So far, so good! I think you have a great start!
Mary,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook has a great start to it. I really enjoyed the theme that you selected with the turtles. Turtles are one of my favorite animals for some reason, so you already have me hooked. Your introduction had me very excited to start learning how the turtle might find a new home. I think it is really cool that the turtle is the one that is actually telling the story. I got a chance to read the first chapter of the adventure and thought it was great. I also like that you completely changed it from the original story. I think this project is meant for you to show what kind of creativity you have, and you done a great job at showing that. I am really excited to look at the next chapters in this turtle’s life. Keep up all of the good work.
Hey Mary! I am writing on your comment wall for the extra credit blog comments. When I first saw your comment about our freshman English class, I was ecstatic to know someone else in the class. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your helpful comments on my stories. They have been constructive and encouraging, so thank you for that! I hope all is well and your semester is going smoothly.
ReplyDeleteHi Mary! I'm writing on your comment wall for one of my extra credit assignments. I want to say that I love your first name! My 6 year old daughter's name is Mary and she was my inspiration for writing my week 1 storytelling post. I also really like the background you chose for your comment wall. It's very bright and fun and that makes me feel happy. It also reminds me of some of the artwork that my 4 year old has painted in her art class at school. She is always so proud to show off her artwork to everyone.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, thank you for any comments you have left on my blogs and/or comment wall. All comments have been helpful to me to create better writing as I go through this class. Have a great night and good luck with the rest of our last semester!
Hi Mary. I like how your storyboard is about turtles. My best friend is obsessed with them and tortoises so obviously, I came to like them haha. Your storyboard is very creative. I like how they story is in the turtle's point of view. But honestly, I was kind of confused during "The Flash Fiction Friday." I really like your introduction though!! I absolutely love stories about animals and I love it even more when the animals are personified!! I love how the turtle is on an adventure to find a new home. I really enjoyed reading your storybook. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteYour Turtle character seems so cute! The overall design of the site is fun, uncluttered, and definitely catches the visitor's eye. The introduction was great at endearing the main character to the reader quickly. Turtle seems so sweet and lovable! The idea of using a general turtle character is great because there are SO MANY stories from mythology and folklore to pull inspiration from. The only thing I would say needs improvement in the intro are the parts where it can be a little repetitive (you mention going on adventure several times, maybe just change up the wording a bit). Your first story also had a bit of repetitive language, specifically the phrase "we were all." This story also switched tenses a few time between present (we are all very nervous) and past tense (we were all walking in a straight line). Since most of the story is written in past tense, I would suggest just changing the first few parts into past tense. I hope my suggestions are helpful!
ReplyDeleteMary. I enjoyed the introduction of your storybook. The main character as a great personality and you expressed that extremely well in your writing. The set up to the following stories was great as they are forced to move not because they necessarily want to. Your first story within your storybook as great. I enjoyed how they ran into problems the first moments of their adventure. Using fire ants was an awesome touch to the story as they are a true pain when becoming in contact with them. I liked that you ended your story at them getting to the "top of the hill." This was expressed with great triumph, which brings good humor to the story. Good job with your story and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteMary, I really enjoyed that you chose a turtle for the star of your storybook. I love turtles, so I was excited to read your story. I read the introduction and thought this was a nice setup to the overall storybook. I think you introduced the turtle well, as well as the sad predicament he was in--having to move from one lake to another. I think you developed the character of the turtle well in the introduction and moving into the first story. I also thought you did a great job with transitioning into the first story and introducing the other characters that were going on this adventure with the turtle. I think you gave them different personalities and characteristics, which makes the story enjoyable. I thought this storybook has a lot of great ideas and great executions.
ReplyDeleteI do think there is some repetition in the story that you could cut out--the repeating of they are on an adventure and the hardships. I think this will improve the overall flow of your story. I also think there may be some sentence fragments in your stories, so you may just want to read over those and proofread. But overall, I thought this was great! Looking forward to reading more!
Well, I just read the introduction, and I am surprisingly interested to see where this goes. I have never been a major turtle fan, but then again, I have nothing against them. I get a very child-like vibe from reading this story. It is as if I'm watching Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh or something of that nature where there are heroes, villains, and the heroes always win in the end because of happiness or rainbows or something like that. I just want to point out, I'm a big Pokemon fan.
ReplyDeleteFirst story, at the very top, it's a Franklin picture. Yes! Your first story is good. I think at some points it seems a little robotic (e.g. Mr. Frog then stated […] Then I responded with). You could just change it around a little bit and say Mr. Frog eagerly exclaimed […] I, being the voice of reason, countered. Something like that, but you get the idea. Really, overall it's a cool storybook with a great Franklin picture!
Hey Mary! So this was the first time I’ve visited your storybook, and may I just say I am glad I got to read it! When I first opened the link to the storybook I was kind of shocked by the bright pink background, but I immediately adored the turtle that you placed front and center on the title and intro pages.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was definitely engaging, introducing your readership to an adorable, typical, and adventurous little turtle. At times you got to be a little repetitive, but overall the intro was perfect for providing a background and rationale for the adventures your characters are about to set off on. Plus, it feels a little Hobbit-esque, with the whole “I’m going on an adventure!” theme, which just adds to my curiosity, haha.
But then getting into your first story, it seems like there isn’t really much of anything going on. Your tales seem kind of slow to develop, with things being repeated from the previous tale and little action occurring. It’s still an enjoyable story, as we are able to see the beginning of the “adventure,” but there seem to be some elements (like the recommendation to play a game) that are just thrown in to increase word length, where there could otherwise be more detail added in about the obstacles.
Those are just some of my suggestions; like I said, overall it is a very enjoyable story, if somewhat simple. Great work, and I cannot wait to read more!
Hello Mary! I visited your storybook very early on, so I'm excited to see your updates! I'm still in love with the neon pink and your font choice. They are so fun, and make reading WAY more exciting. I went ahead and read you latest addition, Over The Hill. I really liked that you built a relationship between the Geese and Turtle! I especially loved the extra addition of Miss Beaver and Blue Jay, and Mr. Frog. I wrote a story with a similar set of characters, and I also added more characters. It is just more fun that way.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked that you made the ending of the story a happy one. I really like that you ended it on a happy ending. I think that makes it so much more fun to read. Also, the dialogue you had made a big difference to the story. I liked how even though it wasn't explicitly made to be contemporary, it was so easy to read. Great Job!
Mary, I read the latest addition to your storybook, "Over the Hill." I liked that you focused around the theme of teamwork and friendship. It is an interesting and diverse group of animals so it was cool seeing them work in a team. I thought it was great that you used so much dialogue. This made the story much more entertaining and easier to read. I also liked your explanation of how you were inspired by the story of the geese and the turtle.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion for this story would be to add some more detail of the setting at the top of the hill. This would bring more imagery and could make the top of the hill seem so gigantic to the characters. Other than that your story was great! Good job with the addition of this story.
This is the first time that I am reading your storybook, so I read the introduction and the first story, The First Chapter of our Adventure. I think that your layout was nice. I like the bright pink design. I also liked the picture of the turtle that was used for the introduction and the first story. That let me know immediately that a turtle was an important part of the story. Your introduction was very informative. You did a good job on letting us know what the storybook was about. I also read your first story. I like the picture that you used. My son loves that show, so I recognized the characters immediately. I think that your story was well written. I have never read the original story but it seems like you did a good job of taking out specific elements and making them fit into your storybook idea. Overall, I like what I have read in your storybook so far.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the layout of your blog! What I particularly liked was the variety in fonts and colors used throughout your posts. Sometimes I think that can be a bit overwhelming but your use was very subtle and I thought you did a really great job with that. I also like how simple your navigation is as well as each individual post. One thing I might consider doing is instead of writing picture information underneath the picture, give us a little description of what we are seeing. So for instance, in your story, The First chapter of Our Adventure, tell us what movie or show that image is from right off the bat instead of us having to click on it to find out. Just a thought. Anyways, great job on your posts and on your blog overall. I think your stories are really fun and flow well together.
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook as one of my extra credit free choices for this week. I'm glad I did! Your storybook was a very interesting read. I like how you made the adventures of this turtle (with he friends) so interesting as they were traveling to a new home.
ReplyDeleteThe pictures you chose were good choices and fir well with each part of the storybook. Although, I would have put some sort of a description under each photo instead of just picture Information. I think that would have added some more flair to the pictures.
Your paragraph sizes were very easy to read and I really liked all the dialogue between your characters. I also liked how the turtle learned new things about his friend, the frog too. I thought that was a cute addition.
One other thing that I did want to point out was that the bright, hot pink color of your background was a little distracting and it did make the words at the bottom of your page somewhat hard to read. Maybe if you changed the color of the words to a darker color or made the background color a little less intense...maybe that might help.
Overall, I really did like your storybook and I thought it was very well written. I'm not that great at writing narratives and I thought that was one of the best parts of your stories. Good job!