Once upon a time, there was a very special king. He wanted
to have the biggest party with the most elaborate food, drinks, and
decorations. He wanted to invite anyone and everyone. The messengers would go
out and invite everyone off the streets and even send out invitations to
everyone that they knew. His servants and pets were in charge of the food,
drink, and decorations.
The king owned a chicken and a tortoise. The chicken was
short, skinny, but very fast. Since, the chicken was so fragile, the king only
asked the chicken to go around town and to gather food. The king told the
chicken that he was not allowed to get anything heavy. If he needed help
carrying something, the chicken should ask the tortoise for help.
The tortoise was very tall and muscular. Since, the tortoise
was able to handle more weight in what he was returning to the king. The king
asked the tortoise to go all the way across town to get the most expensive wine
in the kingdom. The king wanted gallons and gallons of it. It was very
special and the king thought that everyone would be sure to talk about the
party if they had the wine.
The tortoise was more than happy to travel all the way
across the town to get the wine. However, on his way back from getting the
wine, the chicken called for his help. The chicken needed helped carrying some
of the food. The tortoise stopped to help the chicken on the way back to the
king’s castle.
Since, the chicken did not have a lot in his hands; he
hurried back to the castle. The tortoise, however, was stuck walking super slow
because he had such a heavy load of wine and food. The tortoise then heard
thunder. He picked up his pace; however, he did not make it back in time for
the party. He was across the street when it started to rain really hard. The tortoise
then took shelter under the wine and the food. The moon was shining bright and
the tortoise was extra tired from traveling across the town. The tortoise fell
asleep.
The next morning when he woke up he had a shell on his back!
All of the wine and food magically turned into a shell and the tortoise was
stuck walking on all fours. He walked across the street to the castle. However,
the king did not realize who he was at first. The chicken recognized his voice
and they let him back in and loved him even more than before. The king had to
let the tortoise know, that even without the wine, the party was a success!
The End!
Author's Note:
In the original story, the tortoise does not make it back in time because he drank too much of the wine. He then gets locked out of the party because it began to rain. The tortoise gets buried by the palm trees and the wine and the tortoise dies. However, the earthenware pot and dust caked together to make his shell. Medicines were used to bring the tortoise back to life.
I tried to keep the main story line, but changed up a few minor details. I kept the chicken and the tortoise, but changed the god to a king. I changed up the tortoise's journey for the wine and a little bit how he got his shell. I also, did not want him to die so I changed how the story ended.
Bibliography:
How the tortoise got its shell
This story is part of the West African Folktales unit. Story source: West African Folktales by William H. Barker and Cecilia Sinclair, with drawings by Cecilia Sinclair (1917).
I agree with you that the tortoise didn't need to die to get the story's point across: the original story just inserted too much of a "why did that have to happen?" moment there. Despite your writing flowing very well, I would have liked to have seen a little bit more conflict built in your version of the story. It just seemed like there was no conflict of interest between the characters, and that's what really drives stories. I just found it anticlimactic how "all was forgiven" by the king and chicken. But if you give that part of your storytelling more work, you'll do great!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the story. Sometimes it's nice to read a happy-go-lucky story! I am glad that the tortoise didn't get in trouble by the king. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and forgiving is easier than causing a scene, especially when it's over something as trivial as wine.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I liked that you separated the paragraphs up. It made it easier to read and the story flowed better because of it.